Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
