im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize