i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
