Michael Bay diarrhea
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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