drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I miss vodka workout Fridays
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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