i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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