Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
