I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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