this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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