Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
