didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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