You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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