I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
