You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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