you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
