i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
