I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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