FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
