If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm passing your future prison.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
