I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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