I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize