why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
