i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
