ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you have to choose: penises or morals?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
