He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
