im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
