I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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