I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
