There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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