Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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