ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We were destined to go to rehab together
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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