they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Randomize
