1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize