if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm like, not good at living.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
