It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
