Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
