Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
