I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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