oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wish you could order shots online.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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