ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
