He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
