Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
