yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
