I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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