But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
