I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
