my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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