Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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