Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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