He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
