i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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