spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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