Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
