Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
