HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
