saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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