Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
