the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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