rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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