soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
