my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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