One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
