ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
