I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
