i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
what day is it and did you see me today?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
