Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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