i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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