You really coming over, don't trick.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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