So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize