so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just gargled with NyQuil
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
