Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
