what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
