The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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