They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
