i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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