Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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