i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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