Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
