i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize