I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
