you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I am midnight drunk by noon
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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