The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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