this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I want her autograph on my taint
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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