On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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