I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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