Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
