is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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