ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My day in three words: secret purse cake
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
