I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize