I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
