Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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